When I started this job, I thought we'd be knee-deep in adoption process at this point in time. I was originally hired to work through December with the possibility of staying for the entire year or even more. Depending on how we all felt about it in December. When I started this job, I thought we'd be knee-deep in adoption process at this point in time. I told my employer this as I do believe in being honest, and we both figured we'd just get to December and see what was going on at that time.
It is now January. We are not even approved for adoption yet, and I am still working. And I think knowing that by my original plan I wouldn't be has made me restless. The kids love me, and I love them, but they are not mine. And I think I feel like my life lacks meaning. When it comes down to it, I am just a babysitter. Not the greatest contribution to society. I've begun to dread going to my cushy job, which is absolutely ridiculous. If you look at just the facts without emotion. But I'm obviously not a robot, I do have emotions, and I want to have meaning in my life. Make an impact. I am ready to quit and move on.
Luckily, we have an appointment with a counselor on Wednesday next week. It's probably optimistic, but I would just love it if he approved us in just the one visit. Especially as there's the cutest little 7-year-old on the photo listing now. It's not often children that young come up for adoption, and they never stay very long. I'm crossing fingers, praying, and fasting (how convenient that that's this week!) that we will be quickly approved so the right child, whoever that is, can come be a part of our lives.
Obviously I can not empathize with you on the adoption front, but I can only imagine how agonizing that is. I do hope things get rolling faster for you this year. I did want to make a quick comment on your life lacking meaning. Being a great nanny who loves the kids she is caring for is full of meaning! If I ever decide or need to go back to work, what I wouldn't give to know my children were being cared for by someone who truly cares about them and does the best they can. That is full of meaning. These parents have delegated probably their most important responsibilty to you for a few hours each week. I know it does not replce having children of your own, but I can't sit by and let you think you are "just another babysitter." Your work is very important to those kids and parents and it is by small and simple things that great things come to pass. You will be in my prayers though that this adoption process moves along quickly and is successful!
ReplyDeleteI'm with Sabrina. Having to hire a nanny to come in and help take care of my kids was not only a decision that made me feel like someone ripped out my heart, but finding someone I liked and trusted to take care of them was an ordeal comparative to driving over my foot with a car. With my post-partum depression, trying to tackle taking care of my kids on my own would be dangerous for everyone. So, you really are making a difference out there. It is not the same as having your own kids to care for, but it is definitely not meaningless - especially to those you serve. Good luck with the adoption process. Just remember how great it will be after all this is over and you bring your child home! Thanks for keeping us updated on it all. :)
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