The Adoption Story part 1

About a year ago while Nathan was at Goodfellow and I was in Houston we decided we needed to consider adoption.  And just any kind of adoption.  Adoption of an older child through the foster system.  I had been talking to a friend of mine (hi, Melanie!) about her experiences as a foster parent, and she mentioned how she would love to give older children a home but can't because she has a 5-year-old biological son that obviously has to come first and be protected.  Many older children in the foster system can not be around younger children, and it's a risk she's not willing to take.  That got me thinking about all the older children in the system and how they are close to being spit out into the world without any support system to speak of.  Since we have no children of our own, I realized we could really be of service to these tweens and/or teens when many others can't.

At the time, I was really reluctant to bring anything up to Nathan.  He was stuck in the no-man's land known as Goodfellow Air Force base waiting on orders to be changed so we could move on with life.  Anyone who has experienced Goodfellow knows their reputation for getting administrative things done in a timely manner. (Hint:  It's not good.  In fact, it's why almost a year later we are waiting for a moving reimbursements.)  Because he was waiting for so long with no information, it was very difficult for him to think and plan for the future.  I'm sure it just all felt out of reach at the time.  Anytime I would try to plan anything, he would tell me that he just couldn't process it yet.  And here I was with an idea that would change the very course of our lives.  How could I ask him how he felt about it, and yet how could I keep the excitement, enthusiasm, uncertainty, and fear all to myself?

Well, even though I hadn't planned to mention anything until we got to wherever it was we were going (at the time we didn't know), I am a blabbermouth and asked him what he thought about it the very next phone call. And even though every other time I tried to talk about the future I was rebuffed, this time Nathan stopped, thought about it, and decided it was something we ought to look into.  I believe that was the sign from the Lord that this was indeed His path for us.  The difference in Nathan's response from everything else was so stark it was just obvious.  I will say we never sat down and prayed about it as we should have, especially once we were together again, but it was almost like we didn't need to.  We had our answer hanging above our heads in a neon sign.

We actually started making phone calls to inquire about the adoption process right after getting to Georgia.  We were staying with friends while house-hunting and then closing, and I was making phone calls from the Karp's house.  As you might expect from a government organization, it was a confusing and annoying process.  Everyone told us to call someone else, and then we threw them the military, not a Georgia resident loop that no one seemed to know anything about.  But we eventually got it all figured out and in April (I think?) we took the first real step and attended the classes one has to go to that are completely boring but necessary.  These classes were mostly for foster parents, not adoptive parents, but it's part of the same system.  We were told that we would be last on the list for a homestudy.  They prioritize by:  1.  family members adopting/fostering, 2.  potential foster families (there's a HUGE need), and 3.  adoptive families.  They are not an adoption organization.  Their goal is reunification with family, so adoption gets pushed to the bottom.  We were also told that due to budget cuts, there was only one staff member doing homestudies, so not only were we last on the list, but the list was LONG.

Even though I knew this, I had no concept of how long this process would actually take.  We were so excited after finishing the classes, but as the months went by, it just became something that was in our future but no longer thought much about it.  I would look at the photolisting (against Nathan's sage advice), find kids that I just knew were "ours," and then see those children find placement elsewhere.  Eventually I did stop looking, for the most part.  I decided to stop putting my life on hold, found a job, lost a job, found another job that I love.   With the first job it became necessary to buy a second car, so we added a payment to our monthly expenses.  Then I lost my job and wasn't working for a couple of months.  In addition, temporarily lost his language pay, which was $450/month.  So things were tight, and the credit card has crept up just a bit on us again which has been stressful.  Two weeks ago I started my job and started to repair the debt damage.  I was looking forward to combining my pay and Nathan's language pay (which should start up again in October/November) for an extra $1000 every month.  I was hoping to have this job for the next year or so.

After having my job for only two weeks, this past week we got the phone call that the county has hired a contractor to do homestudies and she would like to meet with us immediately.  She also told me that both homestudies should be done and reports written within the month, meaning that we would be put on a list to be matched probably in October.  I think my jaw dropped all the way down to the floor.  On paper, I couldn't think of a worse time to get this call.  Things were tense between Nathan and I, money was tight, and I would possibly have to give up my job sooner than expected.  And Nathan's parents have planned their visit for next week.  It was a lot to take in.  I honestly had almost forgotten about it all, really.  Ultimately though, I have faith in the Lord's timing even if I can't see it.  If we got the call now, after so long, it means that now is the right time for us and there is a child who needs us in the near future.  I scheduled the first homestudy for this Tuesday (9/18/12), and we are going to get this ball rolling.

Which brings me to a question:  Any advice, especially from those with older children?  It is really sinking in now what a big change this will be and how scary it really is.  We are looking to adopt an older child, anywhere between 10-16 or so and no gender preference.  I know that sounds almost crazily wide-open, but we feel it is better for us this way.  We have the ability to be flexible and are willing to leave it in the Lord's hands.  But I am realizing how hard it will be to miss out on the formative years.  We are looking for any and all suggestions, from the big, over-arching things (such as general discipline, procedures, etc.) to the smallest details (curfew hours, allowances, etc.).  Nathan and I are going to have an in-depth discussion on as much of this as I can think of once he gets home from home teaching, and I'll post soon what we have come up with so far to see what everyone thinks!