Last night I went to a girls' night thing at a friend's house. Sadly, rather than having a great time with good friends, I came almost crying. At one point in the evening, the conversation turned to motherly topics, as these things often do. In this case, the subject was breastfeeding. And not just breastfeeding but all the nasty things that can happen to a woman as a result of this activity. Yay. Let me tell you how excited I was to learn about all of this.
Many times when conversations turn to children, I struggle with jealousy. This time, I can safely say I was not jealous in the slightest. I can easily live without certain parts of my body turning weird colors or even falling off, thank you. What caused the tears this time was frustration. This conversation went on for some time, and I had absolutely nothing to add to it. There was no way for me to participate. Every other woman there had at least one child, and I felt incredibly isolated.
At one point the hostess went outside for a smoke break and to get away from the conversation herself. Even though she had a child, she had heard the stories before and didn't care to again. I went out with her and had a pleasant conversation. And what was being discussed when I came back in? How pregnancy helps with endometriosis. I was ready to leave at that moment, but I stuck it out a few minutes longer. Of course, by the time I had to leave the conversation had moved on to topics I was actually interested in and could participate in. But Nathan needed the car so I had to go.
I know I complain a lot on here about the isolation that comes from not having children. I just need to make sure anyone who is reading knows that it is a classic "it's not you, it's me" situation. I know most of you are mothers, and I understand that when you get together you are going to talk about what is going on in your life. Which is often times your children and all things related to children. I'm 30 years old. This is going to happen over and over for the rest of my life, and I'm getting better at dealing with it. But I cannot describe to you how hard it can be. Just think about it: How did you meet most of your friends? How did you become close? What do you usually do together, especially during the week? What do you talk about when you get together? I'm guessing most of the answers involve children. And there's nothing wrong with that. When I'm teaching, that tends to be what I talk about. I get it, I really do. But understanding with the head and understanding with the heart are two different things, and last night (and on into today) my heart hurts. I just want to belong, to be able to be part of things, and it is often very difficult for me and that is frustrating. Anyway, rant over.
6 years ago
What a great title! I think you voiced your fair opinion in a very p.c. way and you're very justified in thinking what you do. Just gotta take up smoking now to have more breaks. :-p
ReplyDeleteI am sorry. You were so brave to stick it out as long as you did. It was a good reminder to me to be more sensitive about it too. Lots of people have similar struggles and we should all be more aware.
ReplyDeleteI totally relate...in a different way, like we've talked about. Except I don't often deal with it anymore as those friends has stopped inviting me to most of their get-togethers due to my lack of a husband/man in my life. Sad day. The world would be a much more enjoyable place if people would be make more efforts to aware of everyone and their needs, just in general. I know I could use improvement in that area myself. Call if you need to vent, in the meantime I'm with Lindsey...time for you to pick up smoking! haha
ReplyDeleteIt's hard not to talk about the things that are going on in ones life, but it sounds like these women went on and on about it for way too long. I mean isn't a get together with women supposed to be so you can get away from your everyday life and just have fun? I know when I host girls nights we are NOT talking about breastfeeding and birth stories! That's the last thing I want to discuss. Maybe you and smoke break lady can host a girls night and obnoxiously change the subject when it turns to that topic. :) I've definitely had friends do that in the past. LOL!
ReplyDeleteYou are completely justified in your feelings. I am sorry that it lasted as long as it did, and impressed that you stuck it out. I agree with Sabrina, everyone needs to be more aware. So vent whenever you need to - you're doing other women a favor by reminding us all to shut up about birthing stories already!
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